How I Championed My Morning
My morning run lifted the pressures I put on myself and shifted my mindset. Also, I’m not a runner.
I have felt stressed out the past couple of weeks. One day I could just feel it coursing through my blood. I don’t even remember now what I was stressed about. But I felt it all over. My shoulders were scrunched up to my ears, my arms were rigid, my neck hurt.
As more and more places have started to open around the country and here in my city everything, everywhere, is getting busier and I begin to feel that pressure of scheduling things and of doing more.
I need to start exercising more, I tell myself. I need to schedule it in. My house is dusty. I’m not writing enough. Not posting enough on Instagram. I need to find more delightful graphics that will bring joy to the people that follow my account. Okay, okay. All this pressure is put on me by me. I have the freedom to make the rules as I see fit. I don’t need to write five articles a week to continue to have an audience.
Quality work is better than just churning out any work so that you can say that you are working. My husband, dog, and I are the only ones that occupy this tiny living space and we are not entertaining anytime soon so who cares that my house is dusty? Only me.
Time is a construct of humans. So, you know, take a step back sometimes.
I went on a run this morning. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not enjoy running. I did it for a while because I thought I should. Living in Southern California you feel this pressure to exercise outside simply because you can for most of the year. Turns out it was a pressure I put on myself.
I eventually quit running, as I knew I would, because — well, I never really liked it. I found other ways to workout (indoors) that I enjoyed so I stuck to that. But there was something about the past month or so where I found myself yearning to run. Which sounds weird coming from someone that dislikes it so much.
I have had dreams throughout my life where I am running and it is effortless. Just running. I could feel my legs stretching out before me, my feet hitting the ground. My arms swinging and my breath easy. I could just run and I felt so free. In my awake life, it was always much more of a struggle.
I would feel nervous before a run. I felt heavy. My leggings would slide down my waist so I was constantly adjusting them. My sports bra wasn’t tight enough.
I didn’t know how to control my pace or breath so I would run too fast, get too winded, and have to walk. I thought if I was walking I was cheating so I would force myself to run again and again lose my breath, pull up my leggings.
It always sucked but my body felt better afterward. My muscles were tired and my face was flushed red with that post-exercise-glow. I was glad I did it but I wasn’t in a hurry to grab my sneakers the next day. I never felt like I had failed, I just felt like I sucked overall. And I told myself that too — you suck at this.
Today was different. I picked out my high-rise compression leggings (no sliding) and I left my phone at home. I have the luxury of having an Apple Watch and AirPods so that I can listen to music without my phone. But honestly, today my run would’ve been great without those things too.
I made sure to do some light warming up and then I simply, headed out. It was still early so it was cool outside. I ran slowly. I concentrated on how my feet hit the ground and how they pushed me forward. I listened to my breath. The fresh air filled my lungs and I felt like I was finally carrying nothing.
The physical act of carrying nothing led to the psychological feeling as well.
I ran down my street. I stopped at stoplights and looked around. I ran up a hill. A guy almost crashed into me putting his trash can out. I stopped short and with a wide smile, he greeted me hello. As I turned down a busier, more main street I watched some people dismantling all of the dine-outside setups that had overtaken parking spots. A sign of progress and an end to the painful year that we have all endured.
I slowed to a walk so that I could more carefully observe the dismantling and one of the guys greeted me with a sincere smile and joyful, “ good morning”. I wonder if he was an owner, or maybe just happy about the sign of progress as well.
I continued to run and then walk whenever I felt like it. Instead of feeling like I sucked I just enjoyed the morning surrounding me. I enjoyed being present in all of it. I didn’t think about work or writing. I didn’t think about the past or where I was supposed to be later. I just cruised along.
I watched the people in my neighborhood walking, running, and out with their dogs. I saw puppies. Other dogs greeted one another, so stoked to see each other that they wouldn’t let their owners pull them away. The owners were forced to stop and talk to each other. Another lady, annoyed by the activity, walked around them. It was fantastic!
After about two miles I was close to home and I stopped to grab a coffee. I felt like a new person walking the last two blocks with that hot cup of coffee — the weird, environmentally-friendly foam cup keeping my hand warm. I had no checklist on my mind. I had no troubles. No bills to pay. I just sauntered home under a blue sky, the sun chasing away the moisture in the air, as it rose from the East.
That run set the tone for my whole day. It slowed me way down and allowed me to do things without being consumed by them. I could now just put the dishes away instead of rushing through them so that I could get on to the next task. My whole outlook had shifted. My whole energy had shifted. I had patience once again and I could concentrate.
For now, whatever it is that I’m doing that stresses me out, I will do less of it. I will walk out my front door with very few items. I will listen to the world around me and be present in it. I will fill my social media feeds with beauty and poetry and art. I will contribute to the positivity and the fun in hopes to inspire others and help them shake off some of their stress too.
We don’t get that many trips around the sun so let’s make the most of them, shall we?
Have a glorious spring weekend people. Stay safe out there while you cheers to the Spring Equinox.
Safe Travels,
Kit
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