Stop. Celebrate. Reflect. Carry on.
Dear Travelers,
I celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary this week. I have mixed feelings about celebrations as I’m not really the, look at me! type of person. I do think it’s important to recognize milestones and realize how far you’ve come.
You’ve done a ton of shit. You’ve made it this far. You are a total badass.
Whether you’re in school, working a 9-5, or planning for world domination, everything you do is an accomplishment. Sometimes getting out of bed and getting coffee made is an accomplishment (that’s me today)…yes! go me!
Take time to reflect this weekend about all you’ve been able to do. Celebrate it. Breathe for a moment. Carry on.
Below, you can read my thoughts on long marriages and how society idolizes them. I published this on Medium last month. I think it’s kind of weird how we still think being married a long time is the end-all-be-all but I do think anything you do for a long time takes work and that is cause for celebration in itself.
Enjoy the article and enjoy your weekend. Get out in nature. Enjoy the silence. Until next time…
Peace,
Kit
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I’ve Been Married for 15 Years. So What?
October is fast approaching. September is usually a blur and then all of a sudden the calendar flips. There we are…October.
My wedding anniversary is in October and this year we will celebrate 15 years. It’s cool. I can’t believe it’s been that long. 2006 does not seem that long ago. That’s what happens as you get older. Time has a funny way of speeding up.
I am ecstatic that we are still married! For a ton of reasons but mostly because it hasn’t always been easy and I love him more now than I did in 2006. I do, however, refuse to hold my marriage up as some shining star. I will not wear it as a badge of honor. I will not compare my marriage to yours or think any less of you if you get divorced or decide to never get married.
It’s 2021, everything has changed, and people need to move on.
Anything you are committed to for a long time can be commendable, right? Being in school, working a job, sustaining friendships. But not everything should last forever and we need to stop acting as it should.
Not everyone is the same. Not everyone learns in a school setting very well or does great at a 9–5 job. Marriage is this hold out of great comparisons. People always congratulate me on being married for so long. It’s kind of weird.
There are a few key reasons that I am still married. If any one of these had gone sideways, it may have fallen apart.
Loyalty
That sounds really serious. Basically, I have his back and he has mine. Always. There is no question. We would drop anything and be anywhere for each other. I’m also not going to talk bad about him or keep secrets. That just doesn’t work.
Core beliefs
When we met, we shared similar beliefs. About all the things. Religion, medicine, science, music, education, politics. All that big stuff. As we’ve gotten older all of our beliefs about all that stuff have remained the same. We’ve leaned in. What we were into, we are more into now. Neither one of us decided to change political parties in 2020 so, we’re still married.
Dogs
I know, that seems silly but pets are a huge part of your life. My husband is allergic to cats. If I had been a cat person at heart this relationship would have been really hard. We both liked dogs and knew that we wanted one someday. We got one. We are now equally obsessed with dogs.
We let the other person be their own person
We do not force each other to do stuff that the other person doesn’t want to do. My husband is invited to most things I do. He declines a lot. Guess what? I don’t care. Truly. If he doesn’t want to go to a work party with me for a co-worker that’s leaving, I am a-okay with that. Why would I want to force him to go so that he can be miserable? It doesn’t make any sense.
There are a million little things that have to go the right way for a marriage to work. If they don’t, are you able to bend? Can you adjust? Can he? Humans are super complicated. When you put two together it gets even harder.
Romantic-relationship-status is one thing I will never ask someone about. It has nothing to do with who that person is. If they want to fill me in, great! But I will never ask.
Break-ups need not be stigmatized anymore. It’s silly. It feels very old-fashioned. We ditched our hats and gloves a long time ago. We should do the same with idolizing long marriages.
My marriage is not better than yours because we are hitting the 15-year mark. Maybe you got divorced; maybe you should have. Maybe you never got married — good choice! Maybe you split up after a year — that’s fine. Do whatever is best for you and for your well-being. Whatever you choose, celebrate it. Stop comparing all relationships to long marriages. It doesn’t help anyone and it’s a false comparison. No two relationships are the same. Just like no two people are the same.
Live your life, take care of yourself, be kind, forget the rest.
I so needed the reminder that it's good to celebrate getting up every day. Thanks!