Leading is a Privilege. Put People First.
How to hold space for people when they need it
The following is the introduction to my book. I share this story often because it highlights how everyday people can be there for each other during difficult times.
This sales associate and I probably wouldn’t have known each other without retail bringing us together. Yet, it was so important that we were in each other’s lives.
When someone reaches out for help, be there to hold the door for them, grab a chair, and listen.
Introduction
I was bleary-eyed. It had been a long week on the sales floor. The California sun streamed through the ten-foot windows which wrapped around the building, but the light did little to recharge my overworked body.
Everything hurt, and I was exhausted. I'd been working a mix of open and closing shifts, had helped in shipment, and the customer traffic had been heavy. This morning I opened, ran the floor, helped the cashiers, and stocked the shoe room. I was the only manager in the building until one o'clock.
I'd been watching the time all morning, aching for a break. By 12:30, I couldn't wait to go to lunch and sit down. I was tired, hungry, and thirsty. The minutes ticked by until my closing manager came in.
Finally, she arrived.
The 30-Minute Lunch Break
We chatted, I got her caught up, and I sprinted out the door to get food. Often in retail, you have thirty minutes for a lunch break, so you need to move quickly if you need to buy lunch. On a typical day I’d return to the store and only have ten minutes to eat.
I arrived back, sat at the management desk, and shut the office door, something I rarely did. But today, I was craving just a small slice of silence. I took a deep breath and a sip of water and unpacked my lunch. Then a knock came at the office door, rapid and urgent. I looked up at the doorknob and reluctantly leaned over to open it. Maybe it was the closing manager looking for her keys. I pulled the door open and saw my opening associate standing there. I was confused; his shift ended thirty minutes ago.
"Hey, man, what's up?" I asked. I had to tilt my head way back to look up at him. He was tall and thin. A black T-shirt hung off his skinny frame. His hands were covered in tattoos. He stepped halfway into the office, keeping the door ajar with his body.
He launched into a story about how his dad died in a car accident, and he was trying to figure out what to do next. He was in his mid-twenties but alone in this somewhat unfamiliar state—he'd recently moved here. He spoke quickly with a heavy Southern drawl, so I had to listen closely. I was trying to put the pieces together.
"Did this just happen? When? When did you find out? How?" I asked.
He spoke a mile-a-minute. He rambled without punctuation, a stream of consciousness.
I stood up, grabbed an extra chair for him and kicked the door closed. I pushed my lunch aside, as well as my exhaustion. I listened. I gave him space. I answered any questions I could. I didn't look at my watch once. Time no longer mattered. Neither did my food or the sales floor. Everything else faded like a fog had rolled in and nestled around us. At that moment, he was the only person in my life.
Leading is a Privilege
I can't tell you how honored I am that he came to talk to me that day. It means he felt safe in my presence and trusted me. I only told one other leader because I knew she'd keep it confidential. I needed another leader in the building to understand his situation.
This wasn't the first time I sat in the office with a team member, listening closely to a massive life upheaval, and it wouldn't be the last. Sometimes as leaders our job is to shut the door, push aside our lunch, and listen. Nothing else matters—not metrics, not selling, not the business.
Yes, we lead teams, and our job is to generate positive results for our company. But remember you're leading humans, and people are dealing with a complex personal life.
Leading is a privilege. Hold space for people when they need it.
MAILBOX
Q:
“I am interviewing and trying to leave my current role. At times, I want to quit without another job as it just impacts me so negative and especially some of the people I work around. How do I keep the faith?”
A:
“A little bit at a time. Even if it's a day or an hour. Show up, do your work, and go home. That's what you signed up for. That's what they get. Keep applying elsewhere. Take a day off if you can. You are not this crummy situation and it is not you. Keep moving.”
LEVEL UP
One thing you can do today to be a better leader.
Say no. (respectfully).
When I led stores, I was obsessed with streamlining operations. I was good at it, too. Our store was high volume, so we didn’t have any extra minutes to be screwing around with stuff that didn’t matter.
For some reason (I still cannot figure out), my district manager liked to assign one store manager to call all the rest and ask for sign-offs.
The conversation would go like this,
DM: “Can you call all the stores and make sure they’ve done XYZ and then email me and let me know?”
Me: “Oh, no, I’m so sorry. I had to send Jenny on lunch early and I’m covering the floor, so I don’t have time right now. It’s too busy. Again, I apologize.”
Okay. Okay.
I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking it, too, and I never could figure it out.
Why would she pull my attention away from running my business to sit on the phone for thirty minutes while I called ten stores for an answer she could get via email? Or she could call herself if she needed it ASAP.
I don’t know.
So, I said no.
With all due respect, no.
That not-so-fun phone-tag task results from poor planning or because some executive has their trousers in a twist.
Yeah, no.
We did the thing, and we signed off per the instructions. We’re done now, and I will run my floor and build relationships with my team and customers.
Getting to the place where you can say no takes time. You must also understand your leaders very well. Don’t get all empowered and be like, “Kit said I should say no!”
That’s not what I’m saying.
Say no carefully and deliberately. Say no to protect your time or the store environment.
When you get there - whew!
You really will have unlocked a new level of leadership.
Based in Southern California, Kit Campoy is a former retail leader turned freelance writer. She covers Retail, Leadership, and Business.
Head to her website for more information or to work with her.
WHOA! Hold on. Big News!
I just published my new ebook last night.
Elevate Your Leadership: Five Steps to Boost Efficiency & Inspire Your Retail Team
The best part?
It’s FREE.
After stepping into eleven stores, coaching thousands of people, and training new leaders, I deeply understand team building.
Now, you get to steal five of my secrets for free.
Don’t wait. Get it now!
✌🏼
This is the line for me: "Yes, we lead teams, and our job is to generate positive results for our company. But remember you're leading humans, and people are dealing with a complex personal life."
It gets exhausting constantly advocating for treating employees as complex humans. Your newsletter is a breath of fresh air!
That's such a terrific and touching story about a leader with true empathy. And the example of a well placed "NO" is great!